The Outsider

I try to stay away from anything that I feel might come off as controversial. Mostly because I'm always afraid of upsetting someone for whatever reason. And so I've never written about the topic of drugs before but lately it's been at the forefront of my mind.

You always see those movies or daytime shows that portray the kid gone wrong, doing some sort of drug and always, always, being the outsider. Sometimes it's the outsider no one hangs out with and the one kid the parents want you to stay away from. Sometimes it's the 'cool' outsider that turns out to have a drug problem, making all the other kids realize he's not actually the cool one after all. We've all seen these after-school special type of movies/shows. We all know that real life isn't that black and white.

The reality of it is that the kid doing drugs isn't always the bad kid. My reality of it is that the kid doing drugs isn't the outsider either. More and more, I find that I'm the outsider for not doing drugs because as I'm told time and time again by everyone, everyone does drugs. Now this blog isn't about whether or not that's a good choice or who's better for doing (or not doing) anything. Lots of people say alcohol is a drug and we all know I drink plenty so I can't pass judgement. My boyfriend reminds me of that all the time.

But I keep getting put on the defense for not doing drugs. I'm forced to explain myself time and time again for opting out. And then I realized, I don't have to. I don't ask you why you choose to do drugs, I don't try to understand you, I don't drill you about your choices. There's no reason we need to understand each other. In fact, I don't understand you and you don't understand me. I'm ok with that because I feel that my friendships aren't about that.

I'm just tired of being put on the defensive about my choices. They're not wrong, they're not bad, they're just different. And by asking me what happened to me to make me not want to do drugs you're framing it as though I'm doing something wrong, as though I'm doing the 'outsider' thing.

My friend said she uses her top government job as her excuse so people won't give her grief about it. I told her I wish I had some easy excuse like that so I wouldn't have to explain myself. But I don't. So for the very last time, you want to know why I don't do drugs? Because I don't want to. It's really that simple. Sure, I can give you some story or some theory or some statistic, but when it comes down to it, I just don't want to. It's not because it's illegal (so stop implying that), it's not because of any reason, I just don't want to, the same way you do want to. We don't agree about what kinds of food to eat, what types of movies to watch, what kind of guys to date, and you don't ask me to justify those choices. So stop making me justify this one. Let's just agree to disagree.